June 2011
1 post
“The issue here isn’t the sexting OR the lying. It’s that someone we...”
– Re: Rep. Weiner stepping down (The perfect explanation of why he should, via a comment on this NYT story)
March 2011
1 post
No insinuation
[Commercial: A woman pretends to like a guy just so she can steal his sandwich, then leaves.]
Stevan: What a b----. (glances) Reminds me of you.
Ruthie: Uh, excuse me. I prefer to suck the joy and happiness out of my victims over time. I plan to make you miserable for years. I'm no fair-weather predator. You are not getting out I'd this.
Stevan: *whimper*
February 2011
1 post
“…Obama’s caution and incrementalism have begun to create a legacy...”
– Andrew Sullivan, http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2011/02/turning-tides.html
January 2011
2 posts
“Only in America can you be Pro-Death Penalty, Pro-War, Pro-Unmanned Drone Bombs,...”
– ~John Fugelsang
“Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be...”
– Albert Einstein
December 2010
1 post
“The Koran strictly forbids baseball, lacrosse and of course, board games with...”
– Arastoo Vaziri, the Muslim intern, to Dr. Hodgins, as an “an additional comment on (Hodgins’) ignorance” [Bones, Season 5 Episode 19, “The Rocker in the Rinse Cycle”]
November 2010
7 posts
“They’re acting like such, such…teenagers!!!”
– Overheard in East Commons, coming from a guy I would bet my iPhone is 19 years old
Hypothetical
Bones: Would you like me just as much if I were a man?
Booth: Oh yeah, much better. Wouldn't have to be so polite and accommodating. How about you, would you like me better if I were a woman?
Bones: No. I would not.
Booth: Why?
Bones: I'd be jealous that you might be prettier than I am.
Booth: I would be too. I'd be hot. Smokin' hot.
Modern Technology
Mom: *watching election results on the TV ticker* Oh no, they changed it before I could check Nevada. Now I have to wait for it to cycle through again.
Me: Why don't you check results online?
Mom: ...oh YEAH! But I don't know how...
Me: Go to CNN.com.
*shows her*
Mom: Oh wow, cool.
*clicks more*
Oh WOW, cool!
*clicks more*
Hey I can see results district by district!
*she's very excited*
Me: You're so cute when you rediscover the internet. Again.
The melodious sound of my voice
*watching him play Modern Warfare 2*
Me: You died again. You're bad at this. You should probably just quit.
Stevan: You should probably just stop talking. Forever.
Me: Never going to happen.
Stevan: I know.
October 2010
1 post
True Wuv
Stevan: "I'm so glad I'm with you, sometimes."
Me: "...why..."
Stevan: "So I can take the carpool lane."
August 2010
2 posts
“Oh yeah? Well when YO momma sits around the house, she finds herself wishing...”
– http://xckd.com/785/
“Really? A gay bar? That’s where you went? Story about marriage...”
– John “Stewbeef” Leibowitz, The Daily Show
June 2010
1 post
It's really not THAT bad
Ruthie: Tell me you love me.
Stevan: I love you!
Ruthie: Tell me I'm pretty.
Stevan: You're SO pretty!
Ruthie: Tell me I'm right.
Stevan: No.
Ruthie: Yes.
Stevan: I'm not signing off on my own death warrant.
Ruthie: Admitting I'm right isn't going to kill you.
Stevan: It might.
March 2010
2 posts
“You’re overreacting, Lois. And you can’t spell...”
– Peter Griffin, Family Guy
The Politics of Fonts
[What font to choose] depends on political affiliation. Liberals prefer sans serif. Conservatives prefer serifs.”
February 2010
3 posts
“A successful marriage is basically an endless cycle of wrongs committed,...”
– Dan Savage, Savage Love
Books
My name is Ruthie Kelly, and I’m a bookaholic.
“When I get a little money, I buy books; and if any is left, I buy food and clothes,” Erasmus said. I read as much as I can — it’s an addiction and I love it.
The weight in my hands, the smell of sliced paper seasoned with crisp new ink, the delicious crackles and whispers as the pages turn, the covers! — colorful and...
“If you’re a dyed-in-the-wool Republican and everyone out there’s a...”
– Professor Smith, offering to get students in my Public Policy class connections to local political campaigns after a presentation by a liberal
January 2010
5 posts
On calling your huband 'lord'
“I’ve watched my wife counsel a lot of young ladies who are considering marriage, and she always asks the same question, ‘Are you willing to call your husband “Lord”?’ There will be dead silence in the room.” At the podium, a handsome and charismatic young mand in his early forties mimics in mincing tones the single woman’s response to his...
“Debating you is like beating a rock with a baseball bat. Invigorating for a...”
– Guy on the internet
Watch
“So it’s OK waterboard a guy over 80 times, but GOD FORBID the guy who...”
– Jon Stewart, The Daily Show, May 14, 2009. This was fllowed immediately by, “Waterboarding may make the guy talk, but it ain’t gonna make him talk English.”
“If you want to save the Earth but die by the hands of terrorists, vote the...”
– John Stewart and John Oliver, The Daily Show
December 2009
1 post
More than one 100% sure way...
…to prevent teen pregnancy.
There’s abstinence, of course. Or…
BE GAY!!!! :D
(The creative among you will realize there are yet MORE ways to not make a baby than the two I have touched on.)
November 2009
2 posts
“You know, you should never weigh your options, as Dick Cheney says. You know the...”
– John Stewart, Teh Daily Show
Honesty not always the best policy
[Booth fills out a form for a gun because he doesn't trust Bones to give the right answers]
Agent Booth: "Reason for wanting a gun?"
Bones: "To shoot people."
Agent Booth: "Not a good response."
October 2009
2 posts
Dear Ron Paul:
You apparently think that the economic growth of the 1800’s and early 1900’s was because we had no Fed. This is because you ignore things that are…different…than they are now.
— Like the fact that we had just come off of a serious case of economic growth via SLAVE LABOR. Nothing like an endless supply of expendable labor to speed economic growth! And now that...
“America may be a deeply Christian nation, but people of all faiths are welcome...”
– ~ Stephen Colbert, October 13, 2009
September 2009
2 posts
“Unfortunately, if I slash my wrist with my lightsaber it cauterizes instantly.”
August 2009
4 posts
Tasty Babies
Ruthie: Babies are tasty if eaten with the right amount of seasoned salt.
Caroline: Ruthie, I think you would eat anything with seasoned salt.
WatchAmen, John. Amen.
Christianity or Leann Rimes
Ruthie: "Come back to me, internet! [sings] I NEED YOU like water, like breath, like rain!"
Stevan: "Please stop mockingly singing that Christian song."
Ruthie: "..."
Ruthie: "...that's not a Christian song, that's Leann Rimes."
Stevan: "Oh. Carry on."
WatchThe Obama Death Panel Debate
Private death panels versus universal death panels. A crucial question in the modern death panel debate. P.S. — This is one of the many reasons why I love The Daily Show.
July 2009
2 posts
“The Democrats now have this insurmountable super-majority. I imagine soon...”
– John Stewart, July 1 2009, via TheDailyShow.com
WatchState senator opposes subsidized lunches for needy children because “Hunger is a good motivator” (!). Colbert has the best response: “Take her food away!”
April 2009
1 post
Watch“And while President Bush was the one who started the bailouts, nationalizing an insurance company, added a $17 trillion drug prescription entitlement program, had a government-mandated public school initiative, literally titled ‘No Child Left Behind,’ wiretapped citizens without warrants, created secret internment camps in international waters behind the reach of our justice system and allowed...
March 2009
5 posts
“We confess that we have sinned: We have used our power to dominate and our...”
– We have used our power to dominate and our weakness to manipulate: more on the egalitarian vision, and the fundamental sinfulness of traditional gender structures at Hugo Schwyzer
Cafe owner thrives with no-pricing policy -... →
AHHH!!! The socialists are taking over! No prices for food…what next? Free healthcare? Free college educations? Free FREEDOM?!?!
FREEDOM ISN’T FREE! IT CAN’T BE! THAT’S ONE OF THE RULES!!!
They can’t take my gun…they’ll have to pry it from my cold dead handzz……
“Am I a good person? Deep down, do I really even want to be a good person, or do...”
– The essay “Joseph Frank’s Dostoevsky,” from the compilation of essays, “Consider the Lobster,” by David Foster Wallace.
(I sometimes ask myself this question. ~Ruthie)
A world wide web journey
I started out looking at YouTube videos about the Amish, whose amazing level of social control we had been discussing in on of my classes.
That led me to Ex-Amish.com, which led me to the personal site of its creator, MrDeleted.com.
A movie there listed Jodie Foster as a famous atheist.
Which led me to Jodie Foster’s Wikipedia entry.
Which led me to read about John Hinkley and his...
February 2009
2 posts
Shoddy syntax for a good laugh
The University of Pittsburgh’s School of Education recently circulated examples of slightly shoddy syntax — all said to have been sentences from letters received by the Welfare Department from applicants for support money. “I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I have seven, but one child, which was baptized on half a sheet of paper.” “I am writing the Welfare Department to say...
December 2008
2 posts
His reign has already begun
me: *rustling in frustration through the kitchen area at The Daily Aztec* Why does this office never have any utensils but spoons???
Pope*: Obama's reign of socialism has begun! Already there aren't enough forks to go around!
*Assistant Sports Editor